Tips for Lighting the Spark-His/Her Perspective

Venice 2003

There we were, practically newlyweds, visiting Italy and France, for the first time together. Our happy smiles don’t reveal that we had recently suffered a devastating miscarriage, and were clumsily attempting to co-parent 3 teenage girls (Scott’s daughters) back at home in California. Photos and trips can look so glamorous on the outside, but we all have our struggles. 

It’s easy to have the mindset that only the grand gestures light the spark. I will agree that places like Venice and Paris can make your heart beat a bit faster, and yet, I think it’s often the little touches in day-to-day life that matter just as much.

A text or note, during the workday, a special coffee mug or personal surprise, to let your loved one know you are thinking of him, can set the tone for an evening with a little spark. Affection goes a long way in my book. Have you ever tried the 30 second hug? That’s another post in the making but if you haven’t tried it, it’s a brain changer.


On nights when we have planned a date night, at home, I still dress for it (definitely out of the yoga pants). I’ll choose something comfy, but a little sexier, maybe a drape top with a silky maxi skirt, a touch of color to the cheeks, some lip gloss,  jewelry and a favorite fragrance.  A little candle light, some cool tunes, a little connection earlier in the day, with a splash of bubbly, all help set the mood in our house. The view doesn’t hurt but if you don’t have a view, create one.

As for romance……whether you have a valentine or not……

I’ve shared some of my own tips before on Stylemindchic:

Keeping the spark alive…{hot tips for real romance}

Hot tips for a little romance 

Valentine Noir

Valentine’s Day is for Amateurs

Valentine’s Day is for Amateurs revisited

I thought it would be fun to ask my ‘significant other’ Scott what lights his fire

(and maybe I’ll learn something)

From Scott~a man’s perspective:
First, help him to not fail!  If you’re not sure he remembers Valentine’s Day is coming, give him a reminder TODAY!  You of the female gender tend to be wired more effectively for remembering such things as special dates.  Please forgive us for that…

If you want to go out, let us know that, as well.  “I’d like to go out for dinner.  Do you want to make a reservation, or would you like me to take care of that?  Or would you rather have a romantic dinner in?”  But don’t ask unless you’re okay with any answer.  

Most of what follows I learned by noticing what Heather does for me that feels right. I’m super busy during the week, but brief blowing on the embers throughout the week is nice. Let him know what you appreciate about him–the things he intentionally does for you, the family, the world (even if there are some things on the list you wish he would do). Think about and remind him of specific times he has made you laugh (we like to think we’re funny). Notice him as your handsome, manly man.  Give quick eye contact and a few words about these things each day this week.  Touch him as he passes, or as you walk past him.
Think about times he noticed you as sexy, and try to bring those things.  Give a hint (text? email?) about your intent in the days approaching the big V-Day. Finally, take the time to give him the kind of note in the card that you would like to receive.  (See “Give Good Card“.) If all else fails, take him to Cabo!!!
Heather:  Not a bad idea….;) and thank you, now I’m blushing. You see what happens when you get two School Psychologists writing on the same blog post?

I love hearing my guy’s perspective (most of the time), and I learn something new each time he joins me on Stylemindchic Lifestyle.

Do you have any favorite tips for lighting the spark?


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Heather Lindstrom

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Great post, Heather. Happy Valentine’s Day. I didn’t know you all did the same thing.


I love this.

You two seem so suited for each other.

You both have the same job! Interesting!



Heather … I think this is my very favorite post of yours yet! It’s poignancy had me blinking back tears of recognition! reading this I also realize I need to ‘step up my game’, if you know what I mean :))

What a pleasure to read Scott’s perspective on t6he subject … I know Jeff feels similar!

Thank you both for your romantic relationship inspiration! Wishing you both a most loving get away !

much love,


Dear Heather, you two seem to be the perfect match always taking care of each other and filling life with pleasures! Also, please have a look at this and sign up free if you would like. Suitable for all bloggers!


Heather, Okay loved this post. The top pic of the two of you is darling!!!! SO sweet. I love that you are real though and you are so right photos look like a perfect world, but the most romantic times are really everyday. It so helps to make those little efforts. You two are obviously both such great people and very in love. Inspiring! Wishing you a fun getaway too and lots of relaxing ! xxoo Kim


You two are too cute!! I hope the young couples out there read this and out it in their how to survive marriage longterm book!!Have a great Valentines Day!


Oh Heather, you are priceless. You have a wonderful way of sharing things that makes me tear up. To include your dear husband (I JUST LOVE HIS SMILE and his joie de vivre) is so precious. The reminders you offer here are so right; messages throughout the day, those encouraging words we can give our husbands, and making the effort to create a mood, it all means something very important to them, to us.

You always share the bright side (you must be a great school psychologist!) and that helps ME go out to my teaching job with a smile. Thank you dear, dear Heather. LOVE!


Such a fun post Heather:) YES.. I think we need to communicate what we would like and in a sweet way;) It does appear there’s a difference in the way men and women see things!! Communicate and it doesn’t have to be a fancy evening. Small gestures can work perfectly. xxL


Oh, and those Valentine coffee cups…..I want some! :~)



First of all, I wanted to say how sorry I am about your miscarriage – I wasn’t aware of it. Your man sounds like such a gentle soul that loves you very much. And I thank him for being brave enough to suggest some of these things. You had some great ideas as well. This is such a cute picture of the two of you.

Me and husband have been married for 33 years, so we dress pretty casual around each other, but every now and then when we’re all dressed up, we look at one another, and fall in love all over again.

This is a lovely post, Heather.



Great post, you two are so cute together and I love hearing about things from a guy’s perspective. I think Valentine’s Day can be a tricky one for men! XO, Jill


OMG – how adorable are you two???

Both sides are great and valid!
I love hearing from a guy who isn’t writing for a charged mag or something as well. Sometimes women do expect men to be mindreaders so we should ask if we want something! But I think being a hot curvy blonde doesn’t hurt either Heather xx

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